I was laying in bed the other night and “Wedding Crashers” was on TBS. It just so happens to be one of my favorite comedies of all time. I’m sure most of you have seen it and laughed just as hard.
There is one scene however, that instead of making me laugh made me stop and think. Vince Vaughn’s character has a moment in which he discloses to his secretary his opinion on dating during the first few minutes of the movie.
“I apologize to you if I don’t seem real eager to jump into a forced, awkward, intimate situation that people like to call dating. I don’t like the feeling. You’re sitting there, you’re wondering:
- Do I have food on my face?
- Am I eating?
- Am I talking too much?
- Are they talking enough?
- Am I interested? I’m not really interested.
- Should I play like I’m interested, but I’m not that interested, but I think she might be interested, but do I want to be interested, but now she’s not interested?
So all of the sudden I’m getting, I’m starting to get interested…” ~ Jeremy Grey aka Vince Vaughn ‘Wedding Crashers’
At first it seemed like a play on words but when you actually think about it, much of the aspects concerning dating take on mental facets.
Take a first outing, for example. Many of them are what we call “blind dates,” which most of the time involves meeting the other person for the very first time. Needless to say it can be very nerve-racking. Sure, you’re quite thrilled at the fact that a good friend probably took the time out to set you up with someone they think might be a suitable match for you but is that really how you want to go about meeting your potential life partner?
Don’t get me wrong. People who enjoy living on the edge will find this a very viable option. In my personal opinion, I would rather have prior information about the person I am about to have coffee with for the first time. Come to think of it, I’d like to think that the other party would share this sentiment.
To further explain my point, I’d like to steer the conversation towards the modern online dating world. Companies such as Match.com and e-Harmony.com are making a killing by successfully pairing people together who would normally not know that each other existed. From neighboring states to foreign countries, I’ve heard of hundreds of people who have invested time in one another as a result of getting together by way of the Internet. As a matter of fact, I had reached a point in my life where I was so consumed by work that I was forced to invest in the latter. As opposed to a blind date, one can set up a profile with pictures, basic information and describe your interests so that another person can correspond to you. I find that preparation in this situation can serve the purpose of conversation starters simply because both parties already have a common ground to build upon.
The dating scene these days has taken a turn for the complicated. Technology has allowed those less prone to ask someone out in person to text an invitation to get drinks after work. No courage is needed to walk up to that girl you’ve been noticing all week and say, “Hey, sorry to interrupt but…” You can just Facebook her these days. Even more, so called “pickup artists” are coming out with books, chock full of proven ways to dupe girls into falling for the routines that are supposed to divert their attention from themselves onto men. So even if you did have the courage to initiate conversation, you wouldn’t be acting entirely genuine. Some are just plain laughable.
On the other hand, dating in 2012 should come with some positive changes as well. Who is to say women can’t take the initiative and ask a man they find attractive out for dinner? The social norm stipulates that the man is to take action and attempt to woo the woman but how great would it be if that girl by the bar would tell the bartender that she wants to buy you a drink for a change? What a load of our shoulders! My hat would go off to such lady. If they see something they like, why not make the move? Men like a woman who takes charge from time to time. We find it to be refreshing and a nice change of pace.
In conclusion and for the sake of brevity, here are some key points to remember.
- Dating might seem complicated but take an old school approach. Modern theories often base themselves on basic principles.
- Taking things slow allows you to assess and analyze every situation that arises from either side. Rushing into things is hardly ever the way to go.
- Get a feel for each other first. If there is no instant chemistry it doesn’t mean it’s necessarily over but odds are things are not going in the right direction.
- Take a step back.
- Rethink things or go with the flow.
- Dating is like a shoe. If it fits, try it out.
After all, you never really get to know someone until you’ve walked a mile in their shoes.
I look forward to your thoughts and feedback below.